Slay.me

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some  cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll  throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s  different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

An elderly man  hears a knock on the door one evening and opens it to see an attractive girl wearing not many clothes who says:

“Hullo! It’s your birthday, and I’m the Birthday Girl, and all your friends have arranged for me to call on you and offer Super Sex.”

 So the old man thinks and says,

“All things considered, I’ll take the soup

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as he fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, roller over and started to watch the tv.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “that was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
He said “I found the remote”.