Slay.me

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession.

“Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father, he has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!”

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman..

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

Also if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Honey, ‘she said, ‘You received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there.

The newlyweds call the groom’s mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens.

The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother’s advice, but still nothing comes to mind.

He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, “Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!”

The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, “I’ve got my nose in her armpit — now what?”