Posts Tagged ‘suicide’
07
Jun

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is you’re  being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.  I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

‘The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’ Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself.

I put him there to dry….  How soon can I go home?’

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07
Aug

Slay.me Joke of the DayA truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

“What are you  doing?” he says.

“I going to commit suicide,” she says.

“Well, before  you jump, why don’t you give me a blowjob.”

So, she does.

After she’s  finished, the trucker says, “Wow! That’s a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?”.

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl……”

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28
Oct

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, health care, government health insurance, the wars, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt…..

I called the Suicide Hotline.

Got a freakin’ call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck . . . .

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