Slay.me

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it.  I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real “miser” when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife…”When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a moment!”

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him.”

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check…. If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

Mr. Goldberg wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, ‘Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pileup on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but….. something happened. I’m trying to break this gently… but the fact is… your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.’

Goldberg groans, but the doctor goes on, ‘However, you’ve got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology to build you a new penis.’

Goldberg perks up at this!!

‘So,’ the doctor says, ‘It’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in five inches this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.’

He agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says, ‘So, have you spoken with your wife?’

‘I have,’ says Mr. Goldberg.

‘And has she helped you in making the decision?’

‘Yes, she has,’ he says.

‘And what is it?’ asks the doctor.

‘We’re getting granite countertops.’