Posts Tagged ‘Money’

Oy!! Jewish & Pregnant Joke of the DayAn  18 year old Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit.   The  test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting  and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did  this to you?  I want to know!”  Without  answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He enters the living room with the father, mother, and the  girl and tells them, “Good  morning. Your  daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but
I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs  and provide for your daughter for the rest  of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I  will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account.  If  a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a
$25,000,000 bank account.

However, if  there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

The  mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand  firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him….

“So, you’ll try again!”

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Marriage Delima Joke of the DayA wealthy young man’s parents told him he must be married by his 25th birthday, in order to fulfill the terms of their joint will and get the money. This was a bit of a dilemma to him because he was dating three lovely young ladies and couldn’t decide.


As he had only one month, he came up with a plan. He gave each woman $5,000 and told her she had a month to spend it. And, she could spend it any way she wanted.


After the month he met with each.


The first one said, “Well you know I love to shop, so I spent all of it on clothes!” “Fair enough,” he replied, and took note of her decision.


The second young woman said, “I think it’s better to give than receive, so I gave all of my money to the United Way!” “Okay,” said the young squire (noting to himself that she must work for Digital).


Number three said, “You know I have a mind for saving, so I invested it in 9 3/4% zero coupon treasury bonds!” “Interesting,” replied the gentleman, taking note of her keen financial acumen.


So, which one did he choose?


The one with big tits, of course!



The Obedient Italian Wife! Joke of the DayThere was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real “miser” when it came to his money.


Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife…”When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”


And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.


Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a moment!”


She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”


The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him.”


You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?”


“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check…. If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

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