Slay.me

Man walks into a bar – ouch!

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.  He has his food prepared for him.  He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.  For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.  If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.  He receives these accommodations absolutely free.  He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.  All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

Suddenly it hit me like a brick: holy s##t, my dog is a Democrat!

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children..

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The redneck said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand..

This procedure works in  Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia .