Posts Tagged ‘obama joke’
25
Dec

Dear  Abby,

My husband has a  long record of money problems. He says pay the minimum and let our kids  worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest. He  has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors, most of them no  longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch to whom he has  been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even  more.  Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with the  Baptists and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ  and the next he’s on his knees 5 times a day with Muslims. He’s also demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.

It’s horribly  creepy! Can you help?

Signed,
Lost

Dear  Lost,

Suck it up and  stop whining, Michelle. You live in the White House for free (with your mother), travel the world and have others pay for everything. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot  for 2 more years.

Signed,
Abby

, , , ,

01
Dec

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog.”

, , , , , , ,

29
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayThey used to say that the day that America elects a black president will be the day that pigs fly …. a few months into Obama’s term of office … swine flu!

, , , ,