Posts Tagged ‘obama joke’
21
Feb

Joke of the DayBarack Obama sits down with the Queen of England and asks her advice:

“Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

“Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.

“Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, your Majesty?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered…”That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good.” said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question.

“Joe, answer this for me.” “Your mother and your father have a child.

It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister.

Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Biden.

“Let me get back to you on that one.”

He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, “Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question.”

“Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister.

Who is it?”

Paul Ryan answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled, and said, “Good answer Paul!”

Biden then, went back to speak with ‘president’ Obama.

“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.”

“It’s Paul Ryan!”

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

“NO, You idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”

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25
Dec

Dear  Abby,

My husband has a  long record of money problems. He says pay the minimum and let our kids  worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest. He  has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors, most of them no  longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch to whom he has  been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even  more.  Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with the  Baptists and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ  and the next he’s on his knees 5 times a day with Muslims. He’s also demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.

It’s horribly  creepy! Can you help?

Signed,
Lost

Dear  Lost,

Suck it up and  stop whining, Michelle. You live in the White House for free (with your mother), travel the world and have others pay for everything. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot  for 2 more years.

Signed,
Abby

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01
Dec

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog.”

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