Archive for the ‘Doctor Jokes’ Category

25
Jan

Women’s Health Joke

Slay.me Joke of the DayI went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“135,” I replied..

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked: “Your height?”
“5 feet, 6 inches,” I answered.

The nurse checked and saw that
I only measure 5 feet, 3 inches.

She then took my blood pressure
and told me that it’s very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed.
“When I came in here
I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

She put me on Prozac..

What a bitch!

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11
Jan

The Irish Doctor and the Horney Patient

Slay.me Joke of the DayA doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So,Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients… “The first one had a headache so he did…So I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor…

“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon… So I did sir” says Murphy…

“Bravo, bravo!…You’re good at this and what about the third one?”Asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does… Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick…For five years I have not seen any man!'”

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?”Asks the doctor… ? ?

“I put drops in her eyes”

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28
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayA woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, ‘Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?’

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, ‘I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.

The husband replies, ‘What did he say about your 55-year old ass?’

‘Your name never came up,’ she replied.

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