Posts Tagged ‘pregnant’

Male Sensitivity Joke of the DayThe room was full of pregnant women with their partners.  The class was in full swing.  The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.  Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, “and Gentlemen, remember — You’re in this together — It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” answered the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??”

—- This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught…..

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A  chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next  to a woman and ordered a glass of  champagne..

The woman perks up and says,  ‘How about that ??      I just ordered a glass of  champagne, too !!’

‘What a coincidence’ the  farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I  am celebrating’

‘This is a special day  for me too, I am also celebrating !!’  says the woman.

‘What a coincidence !!’ says the  farmer.      As they clinked glasses the man asked,  ‘What are you celebrating ??’

‘My husband  and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant !!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the  man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of  my hens were infertile, but today they are all  laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’  says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become  fertile ??’

‘I used a different cock,’ he  replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What  a coincidence.’

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Oy!! Jewish & Pregnant Joke of the DayAn  18 year old Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit.   The  test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting  and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did  this to you?  I want to know!”  Without  answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He enters the living room with the father, mother, and the  girl and tells them, “Good  morning. Your  daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but
I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs  and provide for your daughter for the rest  of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I  will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account.  If  a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a
$25,000,000 bank account.

However, if  there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

The  mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand  firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him….

“So, you’ll try again!”

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