Archive for the ‘God Jokes’ Category

04
Mar

Schwartz and His New Son-in-Law

Joke of the DayShwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law-to -be, Sol who is very religious.
“So now tell me, what do you do?”
“I study Torah,” he replies.
“Admirable, but how are going to house and feed my daughter?”
“No problem. I study Torah and it says God will provide.”
“But you will have children. How will you clothe them?'”Not a problem. God will provide.”Shwartz returns home to his wife, who anxiously asks what is Sol like.
“Well” say Schwartz,”he’s a lovely boy. I just met him and already he thinks I’m God.”

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21
Jan

The Ice Fishing Blonde

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,

“IS THAT YOU LORD?”

The voice replied,

“No, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.”

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02
Dec

The Parking Space

Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting, he’s looking for a parking place, and can’t find one.

In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: “Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I’ll eat only kosher, respect Shabbos, and all the holidays.”

Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, “Never mind, I just found one!”

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