Posts Tagged ‘fishing’
12
Apr

Cletus won the grand prize at the carnival in Collierville, Tennessee.

It was a brand new bass fishing boat.

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,

“What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”

He says, “I won it and I’m a-gonna keep it.”

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand.

He yells out to him, “What are you doin’?”

His brother replies, “I’m fishin’. What does it look like I’m a doin’?”

His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Tennessee a bad name, makin’ everybody think we’re stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and whip your ass!”

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21
Jan

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,

“IS THAT YOU LORD?”

The voice replied,

“No, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.”

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18
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe wife and I were at home watching TV.

I had the remote and was switch ing back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said:

“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel!

You already know how to fish!”

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