Archive for the ‘Grandparent Jokes’ Category

16
Dec

jokeoftheday-santaIn a Jewish retirement home lived Murray and Hilda. They got to know each other over time and spent long hours getting to know each other.  Eventually, they became a couple, sitting together in the sun
every afternoon, holding hands…

One day Murray says to Hilda, “I know we’re to old to “do it” but another thing I really miss is having the woman in my life just holding my penis in her hands.  Makes me feel wanted and loved.”

Hilda say, “Sure, I would love to do that.”

So, time goes on and every afternoon the two of them sit out by the pool on a chaise lounge with Hilda tenderly holding Murray’s pecker in her hands…. Every day, every afternoon.

One day, going to meet for their afternoon session, Hilda can’t find Murray anywhere. She looks everywhere and asks everyone if they’ve seen him… No one’s seen him.

So, Hilda goes back by the pool area and decides to look in the poolside cabanas in the off chance he fell asleep…. She looks inside a few of them and lo and behold, she finds Murray inside with Sarah, sitting
together, with Murray’s pecker firmly in  Sarah’s hand……

Well, Hilda is outraged.  She starts screaming at the both of them, so much so that Sarah runs away… She then confronts Murray, wanting to
know why he betrayed her this was.  Murray had nothing to say, just took the verbal abuse….

Finally, Hilda summoned up all her nerve and screamed, “What’s Sarah go that I haven’t got?”

Murray composed himself, and finally said:

PARKINSON’S

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18
Aug

Joke of the DayA six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!

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07
Jun

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is you’re  being discharged,since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.  I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

‘The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’ Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself.

I put him there to dry….  How soon can I go home?’

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