Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

28
Sep

The Tripplets and the Lubricant

Murphy’s old lady had been  pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the  doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey,  Murph! You just had you a son,!

‘Ain’t dat grand, !!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor  spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t  finished  yet, !’

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a  daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we  aint got done yet, !’

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,  Murph, you just had  yourself another boy, !’

Murphy said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem  babies,?’

The doctor said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during  conception.’

Murphy said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’

When Murph and his wife went home with their three  children, he sat down with his wife and said,

‘Mama, you remember dat night  that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’

She said, ‘Yeah, I  remember dat night…’

Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, ……it’s a  f”” kin’ good ting we didn’t use WD-40.

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11
Jul

The Golfer and the Dentist

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.

The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already… I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.” So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him……..”

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09
Jul

A  chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next  to a woman and ordered a glass of  champagne..

The woman perks up and says,  ‘How about that ??      I just ordered a glass of  champagne, too !!’

‘What a coincidence’ the  farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I  am celebrating’

‘This is a special day  for me too, I am also celebrating !!’  says the woman.

‘What a coincidence !!’ says the  farmer.      As they clinked glasses the man asked,  ‘What are you celebrating ??’

‘My husband  and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant !!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the  man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of  my hens were infertile, but today they are all  laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’  says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become  fertile ??’

‘I used a different cock,’ he  replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What  a coincidence.’

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