Slay.me

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.  He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are  no African Americans depicted at all.  They’re just three Irish coal miners.  The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’

At breakfast, the husband asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”

She replied, “I’d take half and leave you.”

“Great,” he said. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch!”

One afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.