Slay.me

There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real “miser” when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife…”When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a moment!”

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him.”

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check…. If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

Tommy was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

“Tommy!! Tommy!! Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?”

Tommy put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two minutes of silence?”

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes desert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill- beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed’ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.