Slay.me

Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.

Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.

The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car.

A week later the three men were driving around, and they all stopped at a red light. The men in the compact and midsize cars turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter–after all, he was driving a luxury car.

“I just passed my wife,” he told them, “and she was on a skateboard.”

A wealthy young man’s parents told him he must be married by his 25th birthday, in order to fulfill the terms of their joint will and get the money. This was a bit of a dilemma to him because he was dating three lovely young ladies and couldn’t decide.

As he had only one month, he came up with a plan. He gave each woman $5,000 and told her she had a month to spend it. And, she could spend it any way she wanted.

After the month he met with each.

The first one said, “Well you know I love to shop, so I spent all of it on clothes!” “Fair enough,” he replied, and took note of her decision.

The second young woman said, “I think it’s better to give than receive, so I gave all of my money to the United Way!” “Okay,” said the young squire (noting to himself that she must work for Digital).

Number three said, “You know I have a mind for saving, so I invested it in 9 3/4% zero coupon treasury bonds!” “Interesting,” replied the gentleman, taking note of her keen financial acumen.

So, which one did he choose?

The one with big tits, of course!

A woman was talking to her friend “over the fence” when she noticed her husband coming home carrying a bunch of flowers.

Her friend said, “Isn’t that nice, he’s bringing you flowers.”

The woman said, “Great – that means another weekend flat on my back with my feet up in the air!”

The friend said, “What’s the matter, don’t you have a vase?”