Slay.me

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.

When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is completed, the woman thanks the judge and says, “Now I have to arrange for a Gett.”

The judge inquires what she means by a Gett.

So, the woman explains that a Gett is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce recognized by the Jewish faith.

The judge says, “You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?”

She replies, “Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire prick.

Today, a friend of mine’s wife said to him, “Honey, get off your ass and fix that gutter downspout!

And, I want it done before the end of the day!”

Well, as you all know, at my age, my  friend, and most our age, are retired and do have the time to address such “Honey do’s”..

So, he invited some of us neighborhood buddies over to help with the project. One is a sheet metal  fabricator. One brought his welder. One brought beer and Nachos. One brought a grill and burgers. Took us about 4-6 hours, and  30-40 beers, but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the burgers.

As usual, the wife is still not happy! Can’t understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I can’t wait for it to rain !