Archive for the ‘Nun Jokes’ Category

31
Oct

Slay.me Joke of the DayA cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that.  There are 2 conditions. #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says,  “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK,” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush..

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying..

“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

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14
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayA nun’s habit was in desperate need of money, but none were willing to give them any donations. Things were so terrible for them that the Habit’s donkey couldn’t even farm anymore due to hunger. The nun who owned the donkey, even though she thought it was wrong, stooped to desperate measures.

Taking the last bit of food– a carrot– from the kitchen, she lead the donkey to the local track. She tied the carrot in front of the donkey and bet all the money she had on the beast. The donkey was so hungry that it ran after the carrot and won first place. The odds were so low on the Donkey that she walked away with thousands of dollars. The story made the front page.

Nun’s Ass wins First Place!

Upon seeing this, the local cardinal immedeately found the nun and told her that she had committed a grave sin by gambling, and that she should take care of the news headline. The nun went to the local press the next morning and talked to the editor about it. After a while, the editor agreed to print a story rectifying the situation. The papers the next morning read,

Cardinal is Disturbed upon seeing Nun’s Ass at the Track

Upon seeing this, the Cardinal was furious. He went to the nun and demanded that she get rid of the donkey at once. He didn’t care how. The nun, thinking that it could at least serve God by getting some money, sold it to a local farmer, who happened to be the brother of the editor-in-cheif. The papers the next morning read,

Nun Peddles Ass on Street Corner

The cardinal was found dead that afternoon of a heart attack.

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01
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayThree nuns were attending a cubs baseball game.

Three men were sitting directly behind.

Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “i think i’m going to move to utah.. There are only 100 nuns living there..”

Then the second guy spoke up and said, “i want to go to montana.. There are only 5o nuns living there..”

The third guy said, “i want to go to idaho.. There are only 25 nuns living there..”

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said,

“Why don’t you go to hell .. There aren’t any nuns there!”

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