Slay.me

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man of Your House.” He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess.”

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting Their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in His son’s medicine cabinet,  he asked About using one of the pills. The son said,  ” I don’t think you should Take one Dad;  they’re very strong And very expensive. ”

” How much ?”   asked Grandpa.

“$10.00 a pill, “Answered the son.

” I don’t care, ”   said Grandpa,  “I’d still like to Try one, and before we leave in the Morning, I’ll put the money Under the pillow. ”

Later the next morning,  the son found $110 under the pillow.

He called  Grandpa and said,  ” I told  You each pill was $10, not  $110. !”

“I know, ”   said Grandpa. ” The Hundred is from Grandma!  “

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,

‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from   San Francisco  to   New York City  ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.