11
Jul
what are the fastest readers in the world?
the 911 victims, because they went through 90 stories in 60 seconds
By: Brandon
Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes’ Category
11
Jul
Heart warming story
A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
“We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.
Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
“Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers were finally satisfied. They asked, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
“It doesn’t really matter…… as long as the kid fits in the cannon.
26
Apr
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said,
“No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE !
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?” The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”