I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, “I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table.”
The old woman said, “Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds.”
The old man said, “Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?” So they both stripped.
The old woman said, “You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.” a
The old man replied, “I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee.”
Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.
‘This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.’
‘Yes, I remember him as a baby’ says the other mother cheerfully.
‘He’s a martyr now though’ mum confides. ‘Oh, so sad dear’ says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21′
‘Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, ‘he had such curly hair when he was born’.
‘He’s a martyr too’ says mum quietly.
‘Oh, gracious me …’ Says the other.
‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers.
‘Yes’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember when he first started school’
‘He’s a martyr also,’ says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says…
‘They blow up so fast, don’t they?’