Slay.me

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, ‘Have you been in the service?’

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I was in Vietnam for three years.’

The interviewer says, ‘That will give you extra points toward employment’ and then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, ‘Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.’

The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O.K. I can hire you right now.  The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M.’

The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?’

‘This is a government job’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.’

In testifying before the Judge in a rape case, the complaining witness, a Blonde Prostitute was asked

by the Judge.  “When did it occur to you that the defendant raped you versus his claim of consensual sex?

The Blonde replied ” when his check bounced.”

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money…