Slay.me

A rabbit and a snake, both blind from birth, happen to meet in the forest one day. They get to talking and the rabbit asks the snake, “Would you mind running your hands (not knowing what a snake looks like) over my body and telling me what kind of an animal I am? I’m too embarrassed to ask my near-sighted friends because I’m afraid they’ll make fun of me.”

The snake says, “Okay,” and proceeds to wind himself around the rabbit from one end to the other, then back again. “Well,” the snake says, “You’re kind of warm with real soft fur and you have two very long, fury ears.”

The rabbit thinks about that for a moment and then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a bunny!” and he hops around and hops around and starts hopping away.

“Wait!” shouts the snake, “What about me? Come back here and do the same thing for me!”

The rabbit hops over and with his fury little paws, pats the snake from one end to the other and then back again. He sits down without saying a word.

“Well?” asks the snake, “What kind of animal an I?”

“I’m not really sure,” says the rabbit. “You’re kind of cold and slimy, and for the life of me, I can’t tell your head from your ass.”

The snake thinks and thinks about this, then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a lawyer!”

There were three guys traveling in Africa, a Frenchman, a Japanese, and an American. They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters. The witch doctor says to them, “We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don’t believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will give you each a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing yourselves.”

The Japanese guy yells “Banzai!” and commits hari-kari.

The French guy yells “Vive la France!” and slits his throat.
Then the American guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, “There’s your fucking canoe!”

An elderly couple go to a physician complaining of non-specific sexual dysfunction, and ask the doctor if he will watch them having sex to determine if anything is wrong.

After their romantic session, the MD assures them that everything seems fine and sends them on their way.

One week later, they are back with the same complaint, and perform under his judgemental eye once more.

Again, everything seems perfectly normal and he tells them so.

Again, in one week’s time, they appear and have sex while he watches. The MD, confused, tells them “Look, this is the third time you’ve been in here, and NOTHING is wrong with the way you make love! What’s really going on here?”

“Well,” the elderly gentleman replies, “you see, we’re both married, but not to each other. So I can’t go to her place, and she can’t go to my place. Now Howard Johnson’s charges $45 for a room, but you charge $35 for an office visit, plus we can write off 30% of this to Medicare.”