Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes’ Category

21
Jun

The Mental Institution Test

Slay.me Joke of the DayDarryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

 

Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said “Yes” and the doctor proceeded. “Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”

 

Darryl said, “I’d be half blind.”

 

“That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?”

 

“I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Darryl s hand, and told him he was free to go.

 

On Darryl’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.

 

So Harold went into the doctor’s office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?” Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, “I’d be half blind.”

 

The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?”

 

“I’d be completely blind,” Harold answered.”

 

“Harold, can you explain how you’d be blind?”

 

“My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

20
Jun

Joe and the Lottery

Slay.me Joke of the DayA guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

 

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

 

Once again, he prays.. “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

 

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

19
Jun

The Final 3 Days on Earth

Slay.me Joke of the DayGeorge W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in three days.

 

They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was “not”changing his mind. So, . .

 

W. went in and told his staff, “I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there is a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days.”

 

Putin went back and told his staff, “I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there is a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days.”

 

Bill Gates went back and told his staff, “I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don’t have to fix the bugs in Windows Vista.”

, , , , ,