A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering,
“If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”
He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself.”
A professor at the University of Arkansas is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,do any of you think you’ve seen a ghost.
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?
Fifteen students raise their hands. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost.
3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Bubba The Redneck way in the back raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. As he reached the front of the room, the professor says, “Well, so tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.”
To which Bubba The Redneck replied, “Shiiiiiit!!!. From way back thar I thought you said “Goats”!!
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”
His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”
Submitted by Joan, thanks Joan :D