Slay.me

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.  The class was in full swing.  The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.  Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, “and Gentlemen, remember — You’re in this together — It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” answered the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??”

—- This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught…..

At  the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was  planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a  hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so  popular.

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Venice and Sarasota , stands up and proclaims, “If the  rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with  a Honda mini-van to transport their children!” The congregation sighs in  appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and  lawyer, stands and says, “If the rabbi will stay on here, I’ll personally double  his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for  his children!”

More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle  Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the rabbi stays, I will  give him sex!”  There is total silence.

The rabbi, blushing,  asks her: “Mrs. Rubin, you’re a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you  to say that?”

Estelle’s 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to  hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from  side to side, while his wife replies:

“Well, I just asked my  husband how we could help, and he said, “Screw  him”.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of The night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. “Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.