Slay.me

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes.

When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.

When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

The devil replied, “Since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, ‘Have you been in the service?’

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I was in Vietnam for three years.’

The interviewer says, ‘That will give you extra points toward employment’ and then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, ‘Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.’

The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O.K. I can hire you right now.  The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M.’

The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?’

‘This is a government job’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.’

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. ‘Anybody home?’ she asked. ‘Yep,’ came a kid’s voice through the door.

‘Is your father there?’ asked the social worker.
‘Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,’ said the kid.

‘Well, is your mother there?’ persisted the social worker.
‘Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,’ said the kid.

‘But,’ protested the social worker, ‘are you never together as a family?’

‘Sure, but not here,’ said the kid through the door, this is our outhouse!”