Archive for the ‘Political Jokes’ Category

01
Dec

The Cowboy and the Obama Aid Joke

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog.”

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30
Nov

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America”. So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, “I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the ‘Anointed One.’ So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The little girl said, “That’s okay Mr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you.. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

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15
Sep

Electile Dysfunction: the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2012 election year.