Archive for the ‘War Jokes’ Category

14
Dec

World War 2 – Sexual Confession

Slay.me Joke of the DayIt was 1965 & an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the Confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.  So I hid her in my attic.’
The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under
those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’

‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind.

I do have one more question.’

‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.

‘Should I tell her the war is over?”

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28
Oct

Suicide Hotline

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, health care, government health insurance, the wars, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt…..

I called the Suicide Hotline.

Got a freakin’ call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck . . . .

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10
Oct

Aunt Patty Rambo

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe teacher gave her fifth  grade class an assignment:  Get their Parents to tell them a story with a  moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,  began to tell their  stories… There were all the regular types of  stuff: spilled milk and pennies  saved. But then the teacher  realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was  left.

‘Ernie, do you have a story to  share?’

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt  Patty . She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to  bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of  whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the  bottle wouldn’t break, and  then her parachute landed her right in the  middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until  she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade  broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare  hands.’

‘Good Heavens,’ said the  horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to  this horrible story?

‘Stay the hell away from Aunt  Patty  when she’s  been  drinking.

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