Slay.me

The teacher gave her fifth  grade class an assignment:  Get their Parents to tell them a story with a  moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,  began to tell their  stories… There were all the regular types of  stuff: spilled milk and pennies  saved. But then the teacher  realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was  left.

‘Ernie, do you have a story to  share?’

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt  Patty . She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to  bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of  whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the  bottle wouldn’t break, and  then her parachute landed her right in the  middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until  she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade  broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare  hands.’

‘Good Heavens,’ said the  horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to  this horrible story?

‘Stay the hell away from Aunt  Patty  when she’s  been  drinking.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’

‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke.’

The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man.

‘Same,’ says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’

‘Well,’ says the man, ‘several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the r ight amount of money would always be there.’

‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’

‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,’ says the man..

The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’

The man sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say….’

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock !

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one  slogan:

1. This is your peepee… This is your peepee on drugs.