Slay.me

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’

About 40 students raise their hands.

That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’

Three students raise their hands.

That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’

Ahmed replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”

The teacher gave her fifth  grade class an assignment:  Get their Parents to tell them a story with a  moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,  began to tell their  stories… There were all the regular types of  stuff: spilled milk and pennies  saved. But then the teacher  realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was  left.

‘Ernie, do you have a story to  share?’

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt  Patty . She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to  bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of  whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the  bottle wouldn’t break, and  then her parachute landed her right in the  middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until  she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade  broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare  hands.’

‘Good Heavens,’ said the  horrified teacher. ‘What did your daddy tell you was the moral to  this horrible story?

‘Stay the hell away from Aunt  Patty  when she’s  been  drinking.

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red…………………Cherry
Yellow…………….Lemon
Green………………Lime
Orange …………..Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!