Slay.me

A wealthy young man’s parents told him he must be married by his 25th birthday, in order to fulfill the terms of their joint will and get the money. This was a bit of a dilemma to him because he was dating three lovely young ladies and couldn’t decide.

As he had only one month, he came up with a plan. He gave each woman $5,000 and told her she had a month to spend it. And, she could spend it any way she wanted.

After the month he met with each.

The first one said, “Well you know I love to shop, so I spent all of it on clothes!” “Fair enough,” he replied, and took note of her decision.

The second young woman said, “I think it’s better to give than receive, so I gave all of my money to the United Way!” “Okay,” said the young squire (noting to himself that she must work for Digital).

Number three said, “You know I have a mind for saving, so I invested it in 9 3/4% zero coupon treasury bonds!” “Interesting,” replied the gentleman, taking note of her keen financial acumen.

So, which one did he choose?

The one with big tits, of course!

A woman was talking to her friend “over the fence” when she noticed her husband coming home carrying a bunch of flowers.

Her friend said, “Isn’t that nice, he’s bringing you flowers.”

The woman said, “Great – that means another weekend flat on my back with my feet up in the air!”

The friend said, “What’s the matter, don’t you have a vase?”

One night, two Eskimos are sitting in a bar in northern Alaska, when they are accosted by a young man from the Mainland. The fellow has obviously been drinking. He slurs, “Hey, ya know, I’ve always admired you Eskimos. I REEAAALLLY like Eskimos. I’ve ALWAYS WANTED to be an Eskimo. Tell me how ta BE an Eskimo, huh?”

The Eskimos wink at each other. One tells the guy, “Okay, to become an Eskimo, there are only three things that you have to do. First, you’ve got to drink a whole bottle of Yukon Jack at once, then you’ve got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and, finally, you have to make love to an Eskimo woman.”

The guy takes this in. He ticks off three fingers to himself. Then he heads over to the bar, and orders a bottle of Yukon Jack. Already drunk, he drinks the whole thing down. This has a bad effect on his balance. The fellow staggers out of the bar, muttering something like “Polar bear, Polar bear…”

Several hours pass.

Finally, the door to the bar opens, and the drunk is back. He looks a fright. His parka is ripped, one of his arms is dangling at a crazy angle, and he’s got blood all over his face. He staggers over to the Eskimos, and says, “ALL right. I’ve got the Yukon Jack. I’ve got the polar bear. Now WHERE’S THIS ESKIMO BITCH I’VE GOTTA KILL?”