Archive for the ‘Joke of the Day’ Category

14
Feb

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

“So,  YOU are the great Lone Ranger”…

“In honor of the Harvest Festival,   YOU will be executed in three days.”

“Before I kill you, I grant you three requests”

“What is your FIRST request?’

The Lone Ranger responds,

“I’d like to speak to my horse.”
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches,  the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed.

“You have a very fine and loyal horse”,  “But I will still kill you in two days.”

“What is your SECOND request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.  Silver is brought to him,  and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise,  Silver again returns,  this time with a voluptuous brunette,  more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

“You are indeed a man of many talents,”  “But I will still kill you tomorrow.”

“What is your LAST request?”

The Lone Ranger responds,

“I’d like to speak to my horse…alone.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees,  and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

Listen Very Carefully!!!

FOR… THE… LAST… TIME…

“BRING POSSE!”

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18
Dec

Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.

Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone. Dianne asked, “Frank, where are you? You know that we have lots to do.”

Frank said, “Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you.”

Little tears started to flow down Dianne’s cheek, and she got all choked up. “Yes, I do remember that shop,” she replied.

“Well, I’m in the Hooters next to it.”

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15
Dec

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in.”

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?”

He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen”.
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Hillary and says, “What do you believe?”
Hillary says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”

God is greatly moved by Hillary’s high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, “And you, Donald, what do you believe?”

Trump replies,  “I believe you’re in my seat.”

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