Slay.me

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4-pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo! –

“Defrost the chicken.” (True Story)

A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

“What are you  doing?” he says.

“I going to commit suicide,” she says.

“Well, before  you jump, why don’t you give me a blowjob.”

So, she does.

After she’s  finished, the trucker says, “Wow! That’s a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?”.

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl……”

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.  When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.   The man obeys.  The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.  While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.   Curious, the man asks “What are they doing in there”?

The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.