Slay.me

Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.

You are going to die anyway, so live life.

They also try to avoid natural foods as most people die from natural diseases, and deep frying will kill all the germs.

So here it is!

The Southerner’s Medical Dictionary

Artery………………………. The study of paintings
Bacteria……………………. Back door to cafeteria
Barium……………………… What doctors do when patients die
Benign……………………… What you be, after you be eight
Cesarean Section…… A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan………………….. Searching for Kitty
Cauterize…………………. Made eye contact with her
Colic…………………………A sheep dog
Coma………………………. A punctuation mark
Dilate………………………. To live long
Enema………………………Not a friend
Fester……………………… Quicker than someone else
Fibula……………………… A small lie
Impotent…………………..Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain…………….. Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff…………… A Doctor’s cane
Morbid……………………… A higher offer
Nitrates……………………. Cheaper than day rates
Node………………………… I knew it
Outpatient………………… A person who has fainted
Pelvis…………….. ………. Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room………. Place to do upholstery
Rectum……………………. Damn near killed him
Secretion…………………. Hiding something
Seizure…………………… Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table
Terminal Illness………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor……………………… One plus one more
Urine………………………. Opposite of you’re out

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die,” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.

……………………..One button at a time……

……… …………….. .No one moves………………

He removes his shirt…………….

Muscles ripple across his chest……….

……………………….She gasps………………………………

……………………..He whispers,…………………………

“Iron this…and then get me a beer.”

Arthur is 95 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife.

I’m giving up golf.. My eyesight has gotten so bad…once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the airway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I can’t remember!”