Slay.me

An old man was sitting at a bar on a nice beautiful day looking kinda upset when two younger people noticed him there and went over to him

“Whats wrong“ one of the young guys asked

the old man simply replied “Some things you cant explain“ and continued drinking

the 2nd young guy asks “well why are sitting in here instead of enjoying this beautiful day“

the old man says “well i was out milking my cow today and just when i got the bucket full she takes her back left leg and knocks it over, so i tie her leg to a post and tried again“

the young guys then say “well that doesnt sound to bad, you should go enjoy the rest of today“

the old man continues “well i got the bucket full again and i’ll be darned she knocks it over with her back right leg, so i tie that one to a post and try again“

the two young guys tell the old man “well that must suck“

“let me finish“ the old man says “so i get the bucket full again and the stupid cow knocks it over with her tail, i couldnt find anything to tie down her tail so i took my belt off and lifted her tail to tie it, then my pants fell down as soon as my wife walked outside and well some things you just ca’nt explain.

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Submitted by Matt – Thanks Matt!

This is your Captain speaking …

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain ..Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto.

The weather ahead is good, so we  should have a smooth uneventful flight.  So sit back,relax and….. OH, MY GOD !

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.

You should see the front of my pants!’

One Irish passenger yelled, ‘be jezis you should see the back of mine! ‘

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-Submitted by Ellae E – Thanks!

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

“So what do you think about that Doc?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and  then began to tell a story.

“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge..

He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.”

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”