My small grandson got lost at the shopping mall………
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
“The guard asked, “What’s he like?”
The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied,
“Jack Daniels whiskey and women with big tits.”
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.
The devil replied, “Since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”
A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, ‘Why do you love doing that?’
She replied, ‘Because I really miss mine.’