Slay.me

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy – “$1,000”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like
that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”

A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband,
knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “For having a little pecker.”

He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes.

She crawls back and says, “What was that for?”

He says, “For knowing there was more than one size.”

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

“So what do you think about that Doc?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and  then began to tell a story.

“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge..

He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.”

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”