Posts Tagged ‘farting’

The Revenge of the Fart Joke of the DayThere once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.


Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife’s annoyance.


“You’ll fart your guts out one of these days,” she always complained.


After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy’s arse.


While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.


Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.


“You was right all along Missus,” the old man says, “I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push ’em back in!”

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Farting all the Time Joke of the DayDoctor, “What seems to be the problem?”

Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”

The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”

Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you don’t smell them, do you?”
“Hmm,” says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled “Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”

“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

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Sharing on the Train

A man and a woman who had never met before, But who were both married to other people, Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.


Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.


At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, ……….. ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I’m awfully cold.’


‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight, …… let’s pretend that we’re married.’


‘Wow! …………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.


‘Good,’ she replied. …………. ‘Get your own f___ing blanket.’


After a moment of silence, ………………….he farted.


The End