Posts Tagged ‘gorilla’

Joke of the Day: The Gorilla and the Redneck Joke of the DayA small zoo in Capon Bridge, West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.  Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.  To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Elmer Lee Spitler, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Elmer Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, Elmer Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth”, Elmer Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”  Once again it was agreed.

“And last,” Elmer Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

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The New Diet Plan Joke of the DayThere was this fat man who wanted to lose some weight, so he went to a weight loss clinic and asked about their deals. The clinic told him that they had three deals. The first one cost $100, the second one $200 and the third one cost $500. Since this man was quite desperate to lose weight, he ordered the first deal and gave them $100.


The clinic had the man swim around in a pool. After the man got out, he then proceeded to the sauna. Where, as he was waiting, a naked lady entered the sauna. Around her head was a sign that said, “If you catch me you can have sex with me!” Seeing this, the man raced around the sauna in an attempt to catch her. However, much to his dismay, the time expired (to catch her) and he went home disheartened. However, he was quite elated after noticing he lost 10 pounds. So he went back to the weight loss clinic and asked for their $200 deal.


The clinic happily obliged and had him swim around in the pool, get out and proceed to the sauna. After waiting several minutes, an extremely gorgeous naked lady, even more beautiful than before, entered. Again, this lady had a sign tied around her head reading, “If you catch me you can have sex with me.” Of course as the fat man saw this he instantly got up and chased her with a passion. Unfortunately, the girl was much to swift for him and he was unable to catch her before the time expired. Again, he went home disheartened but again, was delighted to discover he had lost 20 pounds. Of course by this time, he was so satisfied with the clinic’s weight loss program, that he ran back and requested the $500 deal.


Again the clinic happily obliged and had him swim around the same pool, and after swimming for some time, he proceeded to the sauna. Upon waiting for several minutes in the sauna, he was expecting Ms. Gorgeous U.S.A. to walk in any minute as the two before had. Instead, in walked a gorilla who had a sign on him that said, “If I catch you, I get to have sex with you!”

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