Posts Tagged ‘jesus’

Donald Trump Dies in the Holy Land

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.

While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells theAmerican diplomats accompanying him,

“You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here,
in the Holy Land, for just $100.”

The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss it for a few minutes.

They return and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares “You’re fired!” at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY – RTX1GZCO

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to
ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $100?”

The American diplomats reply, “Long ago a man died here, was buried
here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We can’t take that chance.

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Why did Mary stay in the Stables? Joke of the DayTime: late 1940’s

Place: New York

There were these two elderly Jewish gentlemen visiting the Big Apple when they decided it was getting late and they needed to find a room for the night. As they passed one hotel, one man says to the other, “Why don’t we try this one?” The other says, “Are you crazy? It says on the sign that this is a restricted hotel. You know what that means? It means they don’t let Jews in!” To which the first man replies, “Restricted, reschmicted. Let’s go in and have a little fun. Just let me do all the talking.”

So the two men enter and approach the desk clerk.

Man: (in thick Yiddish accent) We want a room!

Clerk: (Flustered. With a “Connecticut clench”) I’m sorry, but this is a RESTRICTED hotel. We do NOT allow Jewish people to stay here.

Man: What makes you think I’m Jewish? I’m just as Christian as you are! Come on, ask me a Christion question!

The clerk decides to amuse him.

Clerk: OK. OK. Where was Jesus born?

Man: Such a question! Everybody knows that Jesus was born in a stable. Come on, ask me another Christian question!

Clerk: (Impatient) Look. I know you are Jewish and you are not staying here!

Man: Come on, ask me a question. Ask me, “What for was Jesus born in a stable!”

Clerk: (visibly angry) All right! Why was Jesus born in a stable!?

Man: Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t give his mother a room either!

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