Slay.me

There was a New York Rabbi.. His son got a job transfer to Louisiana.

Two weeks later, the son called the father:

Son: Dad, I met a girl and we’re gonna get married.

Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles. They can’t cook, they can’t clean house, don’t make love, and she’s gonna call you Jew Boy for the rest of your life.

Son: I don’t care. I love her and I’m going to marry her..

Two weeks later, the son called the father again,

Son: Dad, I married her!

Dad: What about all the things I warned you about?

Son : Dad, she cooks like a dream, she keeps the house spic-&-span and loves sex.

Dad: What about the last thing?

Son: We came to an understanding…………..

She doesn’t call me Jew Boy, and I don’t call her Schvartza.

It was 1965 & an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the Confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.  So I hid her in my attic.’
The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under
those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’

‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind.

I do have one more question.’

‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.

‘Should I tell her the war is over?”

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”

“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, “Would you let me bite your breasts – just once – for $10,000 dollars?!”

She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars…; Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.  As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them,burying his face in them – but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

“Nah,” says the little old Jewish man … costs too much!”