Slay.me

There was a New York Rabbi.. His son got a job transfer to Louisiana.

Two weeks later, the son called the father:

Son: Dad, I met a girl and we’re gonna get married.

Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles. They can’t cook, they can’t clean house, don’t make love, and she’s gonna call you Jew Boy for the rest of your life.

Son: I don’t care. I love her and I’m going to marry her..

Two weeks later, the son called the father again,

Son: Dad, I married her!

Dad: What about all the things I warned you about?

Son : Dad, she cooks like a dream, she keeps the house spic-&-span and loves sex.

Dad: What about the last thing?

Son: We came to an understanding…………..

She doesn’t call me Jew Boy, and I don’t call her Schvartza.

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”

“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, “Would you let me bite your breasts – just once – for $10,000 dollars?!”

She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars…; Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.  As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them,burying his face in them – but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

“Nah,” says the little old Jewish man … costs too much!”

An  18 year old Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit.   The  test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting  and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did  this to you?  I want to know!”  Without  answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He enters the living room with the father, mother, and the  girl and tells them, “Good  morning. Your  daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but
I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs  and provide for your daughter for the rest  of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I  will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account.  If  a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a
$25,000,000 bank account.

However, if  there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

The  mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand  firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him….

“So, you’ll try again!”