Posts Tagged ‘parrot’

parrotA woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s really not so bad.”

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said,  “Hi Keith.”

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The Dead Parrot Joke of the DayAt dawn the telephone rings,

“Hello, Señor Rod? This  is Ernesto, the caretaker  at your country house.”

“Ah  yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I  am just calling to advise you, Señor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead”

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Señor, that’s the one.”


That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he  die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Señor Rod.”

“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”

“Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

“The thoroughbred, Señor Rod.”

“My prize thoroughbred is dead?”

“Yes Señor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the  water cart.”

“Are you insane?? What water cart?”

“The one we used to put out the fire, Señor.”

“Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??”

“The one at your house, Señor! A candle  fell and the curtains caught on fire.”

“What the hell?? Are you  saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!”

“Yes, Señor Rod..”

“But there’s electricity at the house!!  What was the candle for?”

“For the funeral, Señor Rod.”


“Your wife’s, Señor Rod”, she  showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit  her with your new tailor made Super Quad 460 golf club.”

SILENCE . . . . . . .. . .LONG SILENCE . . . . . ..

“Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep shit!”

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