Slay.me

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, ‘I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!’

‘IMPOSSIBLE !’ said the groom broom.

‘WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!’

Murphy’s old lady had been  pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the  doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey,  Murph! You just had you a son,!

‘Ain’t dat grand, !!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor  spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t  finished  yet, !’

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a  daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we  aint got done yet, !’

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,  Murph, you just had  yourself another boy, !’

Murphy said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem  babies,?’

The doctor said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during  conception.’

Murphy said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’

When Murph and his wife went home with their three  children, he sat down with his wife and said,

‘Mama, you remember dat night  that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’

She said, ‘Yeah, I  remember dat night…’

Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, ……it’s a  f”” kin’ good ting we didn’t use WD-40.

A small zoo in Capon Bridge, West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.  Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.  To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Elmer Lee Spitler, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Elmer Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, Elmer Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth”, Elmer Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”  Once again it was agreed.

“And last,” Elmer Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.