A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…
“Honey, this is the pig I make love to when you have a headache.”
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
“If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, Not a pig.”
The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch,
You’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
Suddenly it hit me like a brick: holy s##t, my dog is a Democrat!
‘Say, what’s your name?’ the bartender asked the first duck.
‘Huey,’ was the reply.
‘How’s your day been, Huey?’
‘Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?’ said Huey.
‘Oh. That’s nice,’ said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, ‘Hi, and what’s your name?’
‘Dewey,’ came the answer from duck number two.
‘So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?’ he asked.
‘Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?’
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, ‘So, you must be Louie?’
‘No,’ she said, batting her eyelashes.
‘My name is Puddles.’