03
Dec
Archive for the ‘Celebrity Jokes’ Category
02
Dec
The Latest Tiger Woods Accident Jokes:
• FLA Highway Patrol: Mrs. Woods, how many times did you hit Tiger with a golf club?
Mrs. Woods: 8 times, but put me down for a 5.
• What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
• What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing
• Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
• Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They said to named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”
• Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family–his new name?: Cheetah
• Since Tiger drives an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his Caddy?
· FLA Highway Patrol: Mrs. Woods, how many times did you hit Tiger with a golf club?
Mrs. Woods: 8 times, but put me down for a 5.
· What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
· What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing
· Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
· Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They said to named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”
· Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family–his new name?: Cheetah
· Since Tiger drives an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his Caddy?
02
Dec
One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. ‘I don’t know what to do here,’ says the devil. ‘You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.’
OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and ove r he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
‘No,’ OJ said. ‘I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.’
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. ‘No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,’ commented OJ.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief , and finally said, ‘Yeah man, I can handle this.’ The devil smiled and said ..
‘OK, MONICA, YOU’RE FREE TO GO.’