Slay.me

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go  before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there is only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them  gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular  reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and  says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity’.

The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel  says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in’.

Dolly is outraged and asks,’What was that all about? I show you two  of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down.  She spits into a commode and she gets in!Would you explain that to me?’

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”

When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah  Winfrey. Oprah asked,’ Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.’

Mr. Burns said, ‘I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.’

Oprah said, ‘I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.’

George said, ‘Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.’

Oprah said, ‘I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?’

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, ‘I just don’t believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarka ble man.’

George said, ‘The second time is even better than the first tim”

Oprah said, ‘You can really do it again at your age?’

George said, ‘Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.’

When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, ‘Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time.. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!’

George said That the third time would be even better. ‘You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.’

Oprah said, ‘Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?’

George said, ‘No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!’

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son.

Michael says “Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?”

The Doctor says “At least wait till he is walking Michael!!”