Posts Tagged ‘hell’
25
Aug

Slay.me Joke of the DayGeorge Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

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02
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayOne day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. ‘I don’t know what to do here,’ says the devil. ‘You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.’

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and ove r he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

‘No,’ OJ said. ‘I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.’

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. ‘No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,’ commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief , and finally said, ‘Yeah man, I can handle this.’ The devil smiled and said ..

‘OK, MONICA, YOU’RE FREE TO GO.’

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01
Dec

Slay.me Joke of the DayThree nuns were attending a cubs baseball game.

Three men were sitting directly behind.

Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “i think i’m going to move to utah.. There are only 100 nuns living there..”

Then the second guy spoke up and said, “i want to go to montana.. There are only 5o nuns living there..”

The third guy said, “i want to go to idaho.. There are only 25 nuns living there..”

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said,

“Why don’t you go to hell .. There aren’t any nuns there!”

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