A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…
“Honey, this is the pig I make love to when you have a headache.”
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
“If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, Not a pig.”
The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch,
You’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country.
The boy and his family had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer and freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek
and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old Outhouse straight into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after Supper.
Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.
The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it son?”
The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t
get into trouble because he told the truth.”
The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree…”
Gennaro walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much…
it’s all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, ‘Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?’
Startled, Sophia replies, ‘Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, But how do you know?’
Gennaro answers, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?’
Rosa answers, ‘Yes, Gennaro, I do, But how do you know that?’
He replies, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes… How do you like them?’
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red… He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, Please, please, tella me this true!’
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, ‘Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight…’
Gennaro gasps, ‘Thanka God …
I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!’